itsmepollyb

Eek, what a week!

2009-07-21T15:26:00.000-07:00

Last week was quite an adventure and I'm ready for some nice boring routine.

Tuesday I was juggling the gigantic Play and Praise bin of instruments and sand toys, the ice chest with the Otter Pops for the kids, our lunch in a cooler bag, and the beach towel that we had been sitting on. During said juggling it would appear that my cell phone fell unnoticed out of my pocket there at the park. After several hours of retracing my steps and repeatedly calling my phone hoping desperately to hear it ring, I went home and called Verizon...someone had been using my phone and clearly it was gone forever.

And by referring to it as just a phone really doesn't do it justice...it was my calendar, my address book, and occasionally I used it to place and receive calls. Everyone who hears that story assumes that the information was backed up because it's a service that Verizon offers free. Sadly, that service works via their text messaging system which I have blocked on my phone. So everything is just gone. And I'm wasn't due for a phone upgrade for another year so I had to pay cash to replace the phone. Ick.

There is a bright side to the story. I now have a BlackBerry because it was the cheapest phone that would sync with the computer so that I don't lose everything again (I've never in 12 years lost a phone before this year, but I've lost TWO in the last 12 months). I love having my email at my fingertips. I love that it keeps track of my entire life in one little machine. I just love it. It was an expensive and unplanned upgrade but I think it's already worth every penny. And yes, I did buy the insurance.

Just for fun, the next day I called the friends of the thief to let them know that the calls they had received the day before were from my stolen phone. The first person (a male answered) said, "I don't know what you're talking about (but clearly he did) and I don't want to talk to you." The second person went to voicemail. I very sweetly said who I was and that I'd like my phone returned to the church no questions asked or else I'd file a police report. No response....and no surprise there. Hopefully I made them sweat a little. And the police department will take a report since there's suspect information to help them find it so the next call they get will be from a detective. I don't really expect to ever see the phone (or the video of Justin fighting Darth Vader at the Jedi Training Academy) again.

But THEN! Saturday we went to a birthday party at Adventure City. It was hot but we're used to that here and we were all drinking liquid. Justin suddenly poops out toward the end and by the time we drove home he was difficult to even rouse. I stick him in a bath and try to cool him off but when I take his temp it's still near 103 after almost an hour. He continues to refuse to walk or even stay awake but I get him up every 15 minutes to have a few swallows of liquid until he vomits all over the couch and dining room floor. After three hours in the emergency room he finally perks up enough to walk around on his own but his temp was still 102. After sleeping until noon the following day it was as if nothing ever happened and he's been fine ever since. I, however, have not bounced back quite as quickly from having seen him that way and hover over him to take breaks and drink whenever we're out, not to mention running the air conditioner in the car at full power constantly when we're driving.

Two things to learn from this: hydrating the day before is apparently as important as hydrating while you're outdoors and hot, and drinking large amounts all at once, as we are both prone to do, is almost counterproductive, you need smaller amount all through the day.

This has been an entire month packed with daily fun things to do (yesterday was my only day in July where there was nothing on the calendar), but after a week like this last one, some time to just do normal, routine things is sounding pretty good...I have it penciled in for the second week in August as long as nothing else comes up.

Acceptable Rebellion

2009-06-17T19:00:00.000-07:00

Rebellion is part of childhood. It's becoming your own person and it's healthy and natural. Justin has chosen to rebel by wearing a pajama shirt from one set and bottoms from another. This morning it was a Buzz Lightyear shirt and Clone Wars pants. Sometimes he even likes to mix seasons by wearing half flannel and half shorts. He's doing it on purpose because he thinks it bothers me. I bring it up from time to time to give the mild impression that it does because it wouldn't be fun to rebel if it didn't bother someone, but I don't want to give him the idea that he's disobeying and getting away with it. Do I really care what he wears in bed that no one sees? If this is how he wants to rebel, go to town little man...really stick it to me!

Quote of the Day

2009-06-14T17:09:00.000-07:00

Taxation is a hard concept for a five and a half year old. With the state elections last month I let Justin do the voting because we were voting "no" on all the measures and I figured it would be fun to find all the nos and mark them with the Inkavote. My best attempt has been to explain that we need to pay taxes for things that are important like firefighters, police, and army, but that we give enough money for that already and that the government needs to choose how to spend it better. I make this personal by saying that if the government takes more of the money Mommy earns we won't be able to go to McDonalds or buy new toys (these are my standard examples of reasons why we don't waste what we have). So today Justin says, "If my kids say they don't need anymore toys, I'll just give all my money to the government." Either I have a budding liberal on my hands or he's so enamored by law enforcement that he's willing to part with all his money. $10 says that when he actually earns money he'll change his tune.

May the Force be with you!

2009-04-04T17:27:00.000-07:00

Justin's current obsession is Star Wars. It's so intense that I expect it to last for years, then it will probably lie dormant until he has a five year old son when he will begin to re-live it again vicariously.

He's currently in cleaning his room. Here's the conversation:

J: Hey, Mom! I can really use the force!
M: That's great, babe, to clean things up?
J: Yeah! I can put things away with it!
M: Wow, hon! What did you pick up?
J: Well, I only know how to do small things right now.
M: Oh?
J: Yeah, I can't even do paper.
M: Then what can you do?
J: Oh, you know, like germs and stuff. And only if I stand really close.

I think this Youngling needs more training.

Bronte

2009-03-10T14:07:00.000-07:00

This is Bronte. I first met her within days of her birth when her eyes weren't even open. She and her brother "Ninja" came to live with me in my first apartment almost 12 years ago. I named her Bronte Elizabeth because I thought it would be a nice name for a daughter but was quickly convinced that it would be cruel for a child so I stuck my poor cat with it instead.

Bronte is currently up for adoption at the Baldwin Park animal shelter. The photo is her mugshot from the adoption website. She's a beautiful cat, but looks can be deceiving. She loves me, but is very fearful and hisses at anyone and everything but me. Justin won't even come into my room when she's there. She also potties on the floor when left alone for long periods of time. She likes to potty in laundry and anything box-like, especially suitcases, which is also inconvenient. Her beautiful fur often causes fur balls and she vomits too. I tried for years to work with her and now that she has to stay in my very small bedroom all the time I just can't do it anymore. So on Friday I surrendered her to the animal shelter.

I'm sure that it would be a relief to most people to be rid of such a high maintenance pet, but I'm grieving the loss. Not only do I not have her anymore, I have the guilt that it was my own choice. I feel like a failure that I just couldn't manage her anymore with all the other things that I'm juggling. And it makes it harder to know that she's out there, and I could bring her home again if I chose. There's no closure as long as she's still there on the website. My hope is that she'll be adopted by some nice little old lady who wants an older cat and can devote the attention to her that I haven't been able to. I pray that God will use her to meet the needs in someone else's life and that he'll relieve me of my guilt over the whole thing. I'll never know what happens when she disappears from the website and it's probably better that way.

I love her in spite of her behavioral issues and I hurt in spite of the fact that it was my choice. But after I finish a good cry I'm going to delete the bookmark I have to her adoption advertisement and let her go for good. And if anyone knows of some little old lady (with hardwood floors) that would like a sweet, although high maintenance cat, please send them to go get her.

One thought, two thoughts, old thought, new thoughts

2009-01-24T15:41:00.000-08:00

Today is a day to celebrate in the Brown household. Justin read his first book...One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish. He's been able to read individual words for quite awhile and got a fun LeapFrog game for Christmas that's really helped his reading to blossom, but today is the first time I've sat down with a book that I was confident he could read and he did. Sentence after sentence, page after page. It's an occasion to celebrate, and celebrate we did.

But it also highlights a nagging concern I have about his character, and sadly, what I might be doing as a parent to contribute to it. It would be my hunch that Justin could've read weeks or months ago except that he wasn't sure he could and wasn't willing to try. He brought home a boat to decorate for a race at AWANA and decided that he wasn't going to participate because he didn't know if he would win (BTW: He WILL participate). I could understand this self-consciousness developing in a 12 year old, but at barely five he's at a time in his life where he should be trying out all sorts of things just to see what he likes and what he's good at. The values that I want him to have apparently aren't the ones he's picking up, and the more I look at my own life the more I see maybe where he gets it. So I'm setting a new goal, one that's strange and uncomfortable, to intentionally do things that I probably won't succeed at and try to act convincingly like it's fun. I'm going to make an effort to point out my failures whenever they happen and deal with them gracefully without excuses. And I'm going to pray that the lesson is learned quickly. But no matter the temporary humiliation I will have to go through, it will be better than looking back and thinking that maybe I failed in some way as a parent by allowing him to think that he has to be perfect. So here's to big, glaring failures in my life in the weeks to come! (How often do you wish for that?!)

At church... without being at church

2009-01-08T20:43:00.000-08:00

I spend nearly 1/3 of my waking hours at church. Sadly, my goal is to attend service 50% of the time and I'm even failing at that. When I don't know about things going on there it's usually been announced in the service or put in the worship folder which I never hear and never get, so I often feel like I'm the last to know things even though I work there. It's become a joke in staff meetings...Oh you didn't know about that? That's right, you don't attend here.

I really felt the longing over Christmas. We were in Seattle and attended church with my brother and sister-in-law. Their church is not exactly my style, but as we were waiting for the service to begin it hit me...I had NO RESPONSIBILITIES! I didn't have a pager in case of emergency. If a child was crying or a teacher didn't come or a toilet overflowed, someone else would take care of it. I didn't need to mentally run through my "To Do" list to make sure that I had told the two year old teacher that so-and-so was in big girl panties today and that all the parts of the craft were on the counters. I wasn't noticing which parents were in the service with me and what that meant about classroom dynamics. I didn't even have to worry whether Justin was obeying his teachers. I just got to worship.

And I did.

And it filled a need.

I don't have an answer to the dilemma. I love my job and it is what it is. My job is about being fully staffed on Friday afternoon when I leave the office and getting two (or six) calls Saturday night with people who aren't coming as scheduled. My job is about a class of six babies requiring six volunteers because each is demanding an individual set of arms because they can't sleep in a strange place. My job is about encouraging parents that they need to go to church and get their own spiritual needs met and promising that I will personally check on their child and page them if their child needs them. I love that I can provide for others the experience of going to church and knowing that their children are safe and happy and loved. But I miss that experience myself.

So for now I just try to carve out as many of those times as I can (it's usually at 8:00a with the AARP crowd in the balcony with Justin and a coloring book), and appreciate, maybe more than most, the opportunity to join with my "family" and worship our God together.

Who wants a white Christmas?

2008-12-26T18:38:00.000-08:00

We've been to Seattle for Christmas maybe 8 of the last 10 years. In 2006 we had our first white Christmas. It was nice to watch it fall from indoors and have a little snow play. That's the kind of snow I like.

Welcome to the blizzard of 2008. First we had to wait all week to find out whether we'd even make it here since the Seattle airport was closed a couple of days and thousands of people were stranded. We brought chains for the rental car, read up on driving in winter weather, and packed as much snow gear as is owned by people who enjoy minimal snow. The freeway driving was a breeze (I don't think I felt this way at the time, but in hindsight I now know it was pretty easy) and we stopped as planned in the Target parking lot to put on the chains. The chains said "fits any car." We picked a PT Cruiser just for fun and guess what...they didn't fit. It was Christmas day and any place that had chains was probably closed (and if they were open they would be out of chains) so we decided to see just how far we could get toward my brother's house. We made it within two blocks, abandoned the car in the middle of a side street and hiked in with our suitcases.

We had a lovely Christmas and there was a great sledding hill just one house down that we slid down over and over, and the girls had gotten snowball makers so we had a snowball fight as well. We decided not to try to get to the hotel last night because of the icy roads and stayed there hoping for warmer weather and clearer roads today.

It snowed much of the afternoon today which was very pretty to look out at, not quite so much fun to be in. I now know what freezing feels like and I'm reminded why I live in southern CA. Andy and I shoveled the car out before dinnertime (to say it makes it seem so easy...it was not) and we drove slowly to the hotel. All the main streets were plowed so getting here was no big deal. Parking, however was impossible. We tried for awhile to get into an actual parking spot but weren't able to make it more than a few feet so eventually I just backed up (again, to say it makes it seem easy) and we left it under the covered entrance to the hotel in the hopes that there will be less snow tomorrow. We're not going to attempt to go out until late tomorrow morning and hope that the snow has a few more hours to melt. Maybe if it ever got above 35 degrees...

I don't know who was dreaming of a "White Christmas" but it must have been someone who didn't need to leave the house!

Feeling Clever

2008-11-16T17:36:00.001-08:00

As I type, my almost 5 year old son (dressed as a Clone Trooper) is dusting the living room. He just finished vacuuming the downstairs, and when he's done dusting he'll clean the two bathroom sinks. This is lovely on a number of levels:

I get four chores done for the small price of $5 per week. I've heard that maids are a little more pricey. He used to do it for $1 per week but the poor kid would've had to save for months to earn anything decent so I gave him a cost of living raise.
When we're at the store and Justin wants something that he doesn't need I can say, "Did you bring your money?" If the answer is no, the discussion is over.
When company comes, as they walk through the door I announce, "Justin is responsible for the vacuuming and dusting." If it's not up to their standards, they aren't critical of me and the cleanliness of my house, they can blame it on the fact that it was done by a four year old.

It's a brilliant plan if I say so myself.

Dodger Stats

2008-10-19T16:59:00.000-07:00

The Dodgers have their own stats department, but here are the Browns' 2008 season statistics:

8 games attended (including one playoff game, but not counting the postseason rally)

6 of those the Dodger's won

1 stadium tour

2 souvenir balls from batting practice

1 appearance on the JumboTron

5 levels of the stadium sat in (and if you don't know the stadium, that's all of them)

1 walk around the warning track

8 free promotional items

1 CD of the Dodger organ themes

5 Autographs from Dodger legends

Goal for 2009:

For Justin to be one of the kids that takes the field with a player and gets an autographed ball. And maybe a World Series win, if that wouldn't be setting our sights too high.

He's always right!

2008-10-02T21:02:00.001-07:00

I just logged onto the County of Los Angeles Public Library website and found that I had an overdue book. This would not be such a big deal if I hadn't, just last week, found that I had 14 overdue books each 5 days late for a whopping overuse fee of $17.50. Twenty-five cents sounds like a reasonable fee unless you're late with a set of children's picture books which you check out a dozen at a time.

When I went to pay the fine we bravely checked out another set of books with new resolve to never make such a costly mistake again. As he was reading the new books, Justin told me that I had made a mistake and forgot to return one of the old books to the library. I assured him that I had carefully counted the books that I returned, and I must have just checked out one that we had had before. Several nights later he told me the same thing again, and again I dismissed it.

Tonight I logged onto the website to renew some other books, and sure enough there's another $3.75 charge for the exact book that Justin has been telling me I needed to return to the library. Shucks! I thought getting books from the library was a great deal, but counting the one that somehow ended up in the bathroom sink with the water running last year, we've actually paid quite a bit for the privilege of "free" reading.

And if I put 14 books into the book drop, which book of ours does the library now own?

One Word

2008-09-28T14:36:00.000-07:00

I'm especially pleased to receive this award after potentially offending my dear friend Jessica with a teasing comment on her Facebook status. Jess, not only did I read your Blog without prompting, I did your clever little survey according the instructions and I deserve to be forgiven.

You can only answer in one word:

1. Where is your cell phone? Car

2. Where is your significant other? Complicated

3. Your hair color? Brown

4. Your mother? Nancy

5. Your father? Underground

6. Your favorite thing? Time

7. Your dream last night? None

8. Your dream/goal? Peace

9. The room you're in? Office

10. Your hobby? Scrapping

11. Your fear? Ants

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? 37

13. Where were you last night? Camping

14. What you're not? Extroverted

15. One of your wish-list items? Fulfilled

16. Where you grew up? Whittier

17. The last thing you did? Shower

18. What are you wearing? Dodgers

19. Your TV? Dodgers

20. Your pet? Cat

21. Your computer? Lifeline

22. Your mood? Average

23. Missing someone? Natalie

24. Your car? Trashed

25. Something you're not wearing? Shoes

26. Favorite store? Target

27. Your summer? Short

28. Love someone? Justin

29. Your favorite color? Blue

30. When is the last time you laughed? Today

31. Last time you cried? Hmmm...

Here are the rules of the award:* Display the award.* Link back to the person who gave me this award. * Nominate at least 7 other blogs.* Put links to those blogs on mine.* Leave a message on the blogs of the people I've nominated.*

Jessica Fletcher (...this may be cheating, but honestly, I don't read any other Blogs with any regularity)

10 reasons why I'm too busy to Blog

2008-09-22T13:59:00.000-07:00

1. I've been racking up $17.50 overuse fees at the library. I'm only a few days late, but have 14 children's books overdue. Yikes!

2. I've been watching the ants in my ant farm move blue goo from one place to another. Someone asked me to put a photo of it on my Facebook and it has become the topic of conversation at the church office. Facinating stuff, those ants.

3. I've mastered almost half the levels of the Star Wars Lego computer game. It's Justin's, but he doesn't have the dexterity yet so he watches and gives suggestions while I operate the controls. I must admit that some days I've enjoyed smashing things to bit...and because it's Lego violence they only break into smaller Lego pieces so I don't have to worry about the negative images corrupting our minds.

4. I bought a bike. Actually I bought two bikes and returned one. This was a bigger project than I imagined involving about 10 trips to various stores. Now we ride our bikes pretty much every day. Our goal is to get good enough on the hills to ride to the closest McDonalds. Of course I also hurt my shoulder lifting the bike which took up an afternoon at the doctor and 24 hours of semiconsciousness while I figured out that the muscle relaxant was a little too strong for me.

5. Meetings. Two additional meetings have been added into my work schedule. And actually there was a meeting to decide on the meeting so I've been in a lot of meetings.

6. Justin broke a planter (that's the 2nd planter) kicking off a flip flop and the thermostat that controls our central air with a ball within about 10 minutes time. I still need to install the new thermostat (did you know I do electrical work?).

7. I'm trying to figure out my life and how it relates to the world around me. I thought that could be done in a few hours but it's taking longer than I expected.

8. The new season of Biggest Loser has started. Amazing Race and Survivor start next week. Hooray for mindless reality television.

9. Laundry. Why does it never end? And when there's so much of it, why don't I have anything to wear?

10. The Dodgers look like they may make it to the playoffs. See, they have a day off today and I suddenly have time to blog! We have tickets to the game on Wednesday...first row of the lower reserved right above third base. You don't even need binoculars to recognize the players. Now if I could only figure out how to get Justin on the JumboTron....

Things to be glad about

2008-08-22T18:38:00.000-07:00

Following a tough week, here's our version of Pollyanna's "The Glad Game:"

Justin took his first trip to the top of the Seattle Space Needle.

He had a great time with his cousins.

Uncle Andy owns virtually all the Star Wars Lego sets.

It didn't rain 3 days out of 7...but it was the right 3 days.

For my birthday we went to McDonalds for both lunch and dinner and collected 3 of the 20 new Star Wars Happy Meal toys.

I had tea with a friend and the best scones I've ever tasted...and that's saying a lot.

The rental car had a spoiler.

My job allowed me to work from the hotel so that I didn't have to waste precious vacation time.

It's over now!

You can't bring a dangerous weapon to a county park!

2008-08-06T18:57:00.000-07:00

That has to be the quote that I will take away from the 2008 Bible Adventure. The park ranger said that our blunt tipped, well supervised archery activity that we've done for years and years at county parks was "the most dangerous thing he's ever seen at the park." And he felt the need to say this in front of a line of preschoolers all eager to have their turn before the mean old grump ceremoniously shut it down. He clearly didn't have enough fun as a kid and wanted to make sure that no one else did either.

Bible Adventure (other than the archery debacle) went fairly smoothly and a good time was had by all. This was followed by a phone call in the afternoon which cleared up the personal issues in a way that can only be described as miraculous.

I'll be sleeping peacefully tonight for the first time in a week.

Again or as usual

2008-08-04T21:26:00.000-07:00

They say that there's nothing sure in life but death and taxes, but in my life you can add a third...that something will happen to add tremendous strain to my personal life approximately 2 weeks before any major event at church (there are 5 per year). I won't go through the list, but I can't think of an exception in the two years since I joined the church staff. Coincidence? Maybe once or twice, but not 12 times in two years. Is someone purposely trying to derail me? Yes, but not the actual person(s) involved since they don't know these events are happening. There is a battle for my time and energy, and it's tough because both the personal and the professional urgently require both time and energy. So please pray for Wednesday's Bible Adventure and for me in the days and weeks surrounding it. May I fight the good fight and not be discouraged, and may God be glorified in what I do and say.

News flash!

2008-07-27T20:51:00.000-07:00

Warning: This post is very braggy about my brilliant and talented son. I figure I'm entitled since the last two have been less than positive about his behavior. Reader discretion is advised.

I hate it when I'm the last to know something. In this case I had an inkling every once and awhile but had never tested my theory. But today I found out for sure...Justin is learning to read.

We've been doing the library summer reading club for the second year. It's always staffed by teenagers who would rather chat with each other than be bothered by small children with reading charts. It should've been a clue the first day when they were explaining how it all worked and they turned to me and said, "Oh, and you can read to him too." Too? It never fails that we go in with his chart and book list, and they hand the list to him to look over and say, "Which was your favorite?" Um, you do know that he doesn't know how to read, don't you? After a couple of times of this I wrote in big letters under grade PRE-K thinking maybe his height was throwing them off, but it hasn't helped. One especially ambitious volunteer asked him "Would you recommend this book to a friend?" Thankfully it was a yes or no question and he guessed correctly that yes was the answer she was looking for. Can't you just see Justin and Timmy on the tire swing saying, "You know Tim, I read a great book this week called Timothy Cox Will Not Change His Socks. I really think you'd like it"

But anyway, as we're reading I've been modeling sounding out simple words or asking him to find a certain word on a page, and he mostly is compliant and acts as if he understands the concept. He's able to recognize a lot of brands and store names but I think that's more from the style of lettering than actually reading. But tonight I decided to test him. I told him I would give him a point for every word he could read (competitive? nah!) as I wrote it on the MagnaDoodle and he got 15 points before he decided he'd rather do the writing and the game ended. I started with easy ones like Justin, Mommy, and CAT. When he started getting them right I thought I'd mix it up a little and he knew words like duck and jump too. He was able to get most things that were short and could be sounded out. I was just a little bit astounded!

We have 13 months until he starts kindergarten officially but this lets me know (again) that he's been paying attention and I'd better be on my toes. No more asking Grandma if we have any C-A-N-D-Y and expecting him to be clueless!

Massage Anxiety

2008-07-19T20:39:00.000-07:00

Today was the dreaded M day...massage day. I got no sympathy over my plight. I was being taken, as a gift, to get a massage. I was trying so hard to be thankful, to think of what a luxury it was going to be, but I could never quite get that far. To me, it was wearing not enough clothes, being touched by a total stranger (who in this case wouldn't speak English), for money. And this was supposed to be pleasant?

I've been massaged at the chiropractor a few times. They seem to be able to zero in on whatever place is the absolute most painful and then poke or squeeze while I bite my lip and try not scream. "Yes, I carry a little tension in my neck...and you think that what you're doing is not adding to it!?"

But the saving grace of today, the one word added into the situation that made everything all better...the word foot. We went for a foot massage. A fully clothed, sitting upright in a chair, foot massage. You cannot even imagine my relief when this little four letter word was spoken on the drive there. Yes, they spent a little while on my neck. It hurt, but I tried to act as if it was pleasant. Then I got frankincense oil rubbed on my feet for half an hour. It felt rather Biblical except that I wasn't dead. I chose that oil because it was listed as good for anxiety...a little irony they had no idea about. This foot treatment was followed by 40 minutes on a massaging bed. No real person (other than me) involved. I've determined that there are three places on my back too bony to make massage beds exactly pleasant, but I did manage to relax as much as possible.

I did it! I got a massage and lived to tell about it! This was no small feat for Little Miss I-Need-A-Lot-Of-Personal-Space.

Sometime I feel like I pray about silly things. Do you think God really cares that I have massage anxiety? Doesn't he have bigger things to deal with like human trafficking and people moving across country and terminal illness and real problems that matter? Yes, and he will deal with them too, but today he also cared about me and allowed me the grace to accept and appreciate this gift and its giver.

More disobedience

2008-07-17T20:46:00.000-07:00

If I keep writing about Justin's naughtiness, everyone is going to think he's a bratty, disobedient child. He's really not. He's spirited. And clever. And full of energy. And going thru an "I can do it all and am in charge of my own life" phase. Sadly that often that gets him into trouble but only because I'm trying to mold him into a well mannered man of God. So don't get the wrong idea about him. He's a good kid.

But last night we had plans to go out to dinner with Grandma and a friend. Between 5:00 and 6:00 (the "witching hour" in our household) there was such a series of disobeying that I decided he couldn't go out to dinner. And because I couldn't go to dinner since I would have to stay home with him, he needed to stay in his room while everyone else was at the restaurant. (Note: He did get to come out for dinner at home and it was less than an hour total) During a calm moment, I wanted to make sure that he clearly understood why he was having the consequence so I went thru the list of the things he had done that were disobedient. Over dinner he was expressing disappointment over having missed Marie Callender's corn bread, so thinking this was a teachable moment I said, "And what are you going to do next time so that you will be able to go?"

"Next time I'm only going to disobey ONCE!"

I think somehow I failed to communicate clearly.

Teachers' Kids

2008-07-06T20:12:00.000-07:00

Teachers' kids, pastors' kids...they're always the worst, right? And with my job, Justin's sort of in between the two. Imagine my horror over the scene this morning.

The 8:00 hour is not well attended. I am "the" nursery worker and I generally have one child. Because it's just the two of us, occasionally I'll take my one baby and wander around to grab things or do little details that need to be done. Lately Justin has been the only preschooler meaning that he had two teachers who are there just for him.

I happened to be on one of my walks with the one nursery child, and as we walk past Justin's room I observe him fly out of his classroom door brandishing a long metal rod he has removed from the filing cabinet and race through two other (empty) classrooms with his two teachers trailing behind telling him he needs to come back to the classroom.

I try to rarely intervene with him when other people are in charge, but I marched in there and in my sternest Mommy voice said, "Justin, there will be a serious consequence at home for disobeying your teachers." The teacher retrieved the weapon and everyone returned to the classroom.

When he got home, Justin sat for ten minutes on the stairs, wrote a note of apology to his teacher, and was told in no uncertain terms that if I ever saw him disobey his teachers like that I would take whatever his favorite toy was at the time and he wouldn't get it back until the following Sunday after I got a better report.

The irony was not lost on me that today's Sunday school lesson was on the choice Adam and Eve made to disobey God in the garden and how God wants us to choose to obey. It was only first hour...maybe after hearing it the second and third time it sunk in a little better.

Oh dear. He does keep me humble!

Celebrating Four and a Half

2008-07-04T14:16:00.000-07:00

Bobble Head

2008-07-01T21:44:00.000-07:00

You start out as a casual fan, then one day, you can't quite put your finger on how or when it happened, it goes too far...

Last year we went to one game thanks to free tickets from some friends. We'll hit our third of the season on Monday (Field Level seats to be exact) with tickets to two others in August. We've been on the stadium tour; we've walked the Warning Track. We even video tape the games sometimes when we're not home. Justin goes to sleep listening to the night games; if you tell him the number, he can tell you the name of the player...even retired numbers.

But the kicker...we now own the Nancy Bea Hefley CD of the organ interludes played at Dodger's stadium.

If I buy a Dodger blue car (which Justin has his heart set on), please plan an intervention.

Justin's New Bike

2008-06-28T19:48:00.000-07:00

Here's Justin with his brand new bicycle, a gift from Grandma for his 4 1/2 birthday. (For those of you who don't know all of our family's idiosyncrasies...Justin date of birth is December 20 but his birthday celebration and party every year are on his half birthday...it just works better that way).

He's been on two wheels for almost a year now, but at 45 inches tall he was starting to look a little silly on his 12 inch starter bike. It was time to upgrade. Now we have an 18 inch shiny "Dodger blue" bike with lightning and hand brakes, and boy do we feel cool. I think the 50% upgrade in wheel size has more than doubled the speed he's able to achieve. We rode (thank goodness for my scooter) about an hour and half this afternoon. Once we had mastered the court yard we even ventured out onto the street and he enjoyed taking the speed bumps at high speed. He's still getting used to dismounting from a bigger bike, but it's just a sign that my little boy is not so little anymore. Doesn't he look grown up?!
For the whole gallery of photos check out http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=30072191&l=3a0c7&id=1277082988
Things we're anticipating in the next two weeks: 1 baseball birthday party, 2 sessions of church TBall, 1 field trip to House of Bounce, 1 friend visiting from out of town, 2 4th of July parades, 1 potluck, 4 days of tent camping with friends...who could want any more!

What I wouldn't give for a glass of OJ

2008-06-22T18:07:00.000-07:00

One of the leftovers from the desperate days of attempting to make money as a stay-at-home mom is my occasional excursions into product testing. I've tested spaghetti sauce, shampoo and conditioner, and some kind of sun creme for hair. I even tested antiperspirant once...that was a nightmare...just what you want to do when you find that you absolutely HATE a type of antiperspirant (this particular one I hated because it was unbearably slimy) is to continue to use it exclusively for the next two weeks. But I loved the shampoo so much that I switched away from my usual brand permanently...at least I think I switched to the right brand...you can't know for certain because they won't tell you the brand that you're testing.

For the next two weeks I've engaged our family in the "OJ Challenge" where for $15 and three bottles of free apple juice, we've agreed to switch from OJ to AJ, keep a journal of our thoughts while drinking it, and even submit a few photos of us enjoying the product. But it's really, really hot. I don't so much like apple juice. I don't find the sweet taste as thirst quenching as something with a little acidity to it. And I'm one of those who would rather die of dehydration than drink water. Justin doesn't mind drinking apple juice...to him juice is juice...but I find myself wanting lemonade or pomegranate juice or even a Capri Sun (yeah, tried that, it was no good either)...anything but having to drink more apple juice. I'm giving the "challenge" a fair shake since I technically only have to substitute AJ for OJ, but I'm having lemonade for dinner and I feel like I deserve every cent of that $15. I think I'm going to put THAT in my journal!

Go ahead...add something else!

2008-06-13T16:29:00.000-07:00

Sunday is Promotion Sunday. It's a big deal in the preschool circle. Everyone moves into a new "bigger" class with better things. What you don't see going on behind the scenes is the new EVERYTHING that goes along with it. Each class has new teachers, new signs, new sign in sheets, new name tags, new name tag tags, new teacher tags, new diaper change records, new curriculum, new take home papers, new bulletin boards...multiply that by 7 classrooms and you get the idea. It's a really busy week.

And this is what was added to it:

Tuesday Justin and I did a full appreciation lunch for the church staff. It wasn't originally scheduled for this week, but when they moved the staff meeting they also moved the lunch we had offered to prepare. I was also completely intolerant of the idle chit chat and the pastors talking in fake accents (this is a daily thing and they all do it...I don't know if it's part of the job description or if you learn it after you're hired) knowing that my time would be better spent downstairs accomplishing my "To Do" list.

Wednesday I got a 25 minute phone call which contained 30 seconds of information I actually needed, four references to "I know you're really busy so I won't keep you," and 24 minutes of things I really didn't need to know, especially on a busy week. Should've screened my calls better.

Thursday my mother decided to get the carpets cleaned. This involved moving all the furniture and toys out of the living room, stairs, and upstairs hallway for two days. It remains piled in the dining room until tomorrow. The open floor makes a great space to play baseball, but there's no place to eat.

They tried to get me to do the Father's Day bulletin board by the parking lot, but that one I delegated.

And I won't tell you any of the other little things that people "added" to my week because you never know who is reading a blog (so far I think I'm relatively safe). The week was also filled with many very gracious people who took on tasks of various sizes so that I wouldn't have to. So give me a couple of days to recover and I'll be back to my regular chatty self about next Thursday.

Swimsuit Shopping (Subtitled "The curse of the Macy's giftcard")

2008-05-29T20:43:00.001-07:00

Today is not the first time this season that I've attempted to acquire a new swimsuit, but today was a no-holes-barred, all out effort to find "the one." You may think that being a single digit size would make this a fun process, but alas it never is.

The first important thing to know in this story is my history with Macy's gift cards. I'm a Target kind of girl. When I want something really special, I upgrade to JC Penny or Mervyns. But for Christmas and birthday every year I seem to end up with a $50 Macy's gift card. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful, but I wander into Macy's about once a month, get sticker shock from the tags, and walk out without even trying anything on. My clothing has to be nearly disposable because it will often get stained or snagged the first wearing...I work with kids!

I still have my gift card from Christmas and half-laughed/half died when I opened my thank you card from being the Team Mom and found another Macy's gift card. Now I have two...$100 to blow at Macy's. Thus begins my quest to kill two birds with one stone and find a bathing suit at Macy's.

I started last weekend with their big Memorial Day sale. The Macy's at Puente Hills doesn't carry swimsuits. What?!?! Don't people around here swim?

So, after a morning of bouncing on inflatables ("research" for a field trip this summer) with Justin and the Matthies, I mentioned that I was going to drag Justin to the Brea Mall since gas was so expensive and we were already half way there. Stephanie offered to keep Justin so I could go by myself (may God bless her for that!). When I finally found the swimwear department at Macy's, (next to the lingerie which I didn't quite appreciate until I started looking at the styles) and found that a full 2/3 of the department were string bikinis. And honestly by the sheer percentages it was higher than that because you can fit a lot more tiny suits on a rack than full size ones. I managed to find the ones that were more my taste and found one that was just lovely...it came in a 10, only a 10 because there was only one, but I picked it up anyway. Then I found a pink tankini that was one of a dozen on the rack...too bad all 12 of them were cup size D. Undeterred I picked one up to try on. You can sense my utter determination, I know. Finally I found a third and fourth, both turquoise that actually came in my size, and headed for the dressing room. I loved the first one but it was just too big. They checked other stores for me and they have it in my size...in Temecula, Sacramento, or Washington. The pink just didn't fit right either, although at the counter they sell foam inserts that permanently bond to the cups of your swimsuit for extra fullness...I just couldn't go there. Failure on the two turquoise too. I've learned that if the chest is shaped like two triangles it's neither flattering nor appropriate for my body.

It appears to me that in general (if you don't hit the racks the first week) the only suits they make in single digit sizes are teeny bikinis. Anything with coverage only comes in a 10 or larger. I was willing to pay $100, heck maybe even $110, for a st*p+d swimsuit and I still came home empty handed. I guess not completely empty handed...I still have those silly gift cards! SIGH!

Justin's Perspective

2008-05-25T17:23:00.001-07:00

My mommy is busy getting ready for Promotion Sunday and playing with me. Here's a slice of life from my perspective, taken by me with my Fisher Price digital camera:

1. Number One Russell Martin Baseball Player

2. The sword of the spirit (and my foot)

3. My baseball glove and some folded laundry

4. Mommy Driving

5. The Dodger website

6. Me in my church shirt

7. Me in my booster seat

8. Mommy's scooter

9. Mommy on her scooter (Did someone ask for pictures?!)

Facebook

2008-05-16T15:51:00.000-07:00

I have joined the crowd and started a Facebook profile. I originally did it just because I wanted to find people and look at their stuff anonymously, but since that wasn't an option I've enjoyed watching it as a cultural phenomenon. Here are my observations:

The term "friend" takes on a whole new (and less significant) meaning. You pretty much invite everyone you've ever met to be your "friend." And in return you suddenly you start getting requests from all these people you hardly know who are wanting to be your "friend" as well. I think the point is to collect as many "friends" as possible so as to impress those around you with your popularity. (No offence to any of my new "friends.")

Your life is then characterized by one sentence phrases beginning with "Polly is..." It leaves me wanting more. Why does my brother want a PDA? Which one does he want? Why did he suddenly write that he likes Mtn. Dew? He has for decades, why announce it to the world now? It creates more questions than answers.

I wonder how many hours of productivity are lost to businesses whose employees are spending their time sending each other virtual flowers or karate chops. I tried to send something yesterday for someone's birthday but I couldn't figure it out.

Does anyone really care about my favorite everythings? Which TV Friends character I most resemble? Whether a survey says I'm likable? If they did care, wouldn't they already know?

I'm not criticizing those who use it... it's entertaining and you can see at a glance a one sentence summary about what all your "friends" are up to. If you had a lot of time in front of a computer terminal you might need it to stay connected with the outside world. Maybe it's an extrovert thing. I think I'll always be a dabbler rather than a junkie.

I am, if nothing else, a wee bit competitive. so if you are on Facebook, can we be friends?! ;)

Out of the Mouths of Babes

2008-05-14T14:38:00.000-07:00

The best spiritual conversations happen in the car. On the way to the Dodger game on Sunday we were taking turns naming opposites. He said left and right, I said black and white, he said short and tall, I said zero and infinity...the game goes on and on. Then suddenly he pops out with, "Cross and tomb."

And sometimes we wonder if they're even listening.

Another "I never thought I'd..."

2008-05-13T13:24:00.000-07:00

Today I am the proud owner of a brand new silver and blue Razor scooter. You're not the only one asking, "Now why on earth would she, a 30 year old woman with zero interest in sports, be buying a scooter." I'm a little dumbfounded myself.

It all started last week when I was playing policemen with Justin and riding around at a breakneck pace on his little three wheeled scooter (don't question or try to picture everything in the story...it would take too long). It occurred to me as I hunched over the handlebars that a small rock or other obstacle could easily land me face down on the pavement with no time to break my fall, and I just imagined the week I would spend explaining to everyone I met that the abrasions on my face were the result of a game of cops and robbers on a too small scooter. It would take awhile to live that down around the office.

I have an Amazon VISA card which I charge much of my personal and church purchases on which gives me 1 penny credit for each dollar that I spend. I also earn a $10 gift certificate each month by logging on to a website once a week and giving my opinions about a certain brand of food of beverage, so I have quite a number of Amazon dollars. You can buy anything on Amazon these days, so I broke out some of that "free" money and decided to get myself a nice new adult sized scooter. It was cheaper than a copayment for a doctor visit to have a wound cleaned, and way cheaper than a trip to the emergency room for two broken wrists. And I have to admit it's kind of fun. Won't be long before J can pedal faster than I can run so it may come in handy more often than I think.

So now when you see Police Officer Polly chasing bad guys with a fancy new vehicle, you'll know the whole story.
(Posted intentionally without photos)

Mother's Day

2008-05-11T19:13:00.000-07:00

Justin used his "Blue Crew" fan club tickets to take me and Grandma to the Dodger game this afternoon for Mother's Day. He was very proud to pull out the tickets and "pay" for us to go in. We even got free lip gloss and red roses. The Dodgers were winning until the 7th inning when the Astros did some great hitting and ended up winning the game 8 to 5.

The best part of the experience was a bonus we weren't aware of until last night...on Mother's Day they allow the mothers and children to go in through the Center Field gate and parade around the Warning Track (the strip of dirt around the edge of the field). Justin got to slam himself against the padded wall pretending to catch a high fly ball, pretend to swing a bat on the Dodgers on-deck circle, see the dugout from just a few feet away (what a mess!), and walk on the sunflower seed shells that the players had spit out during the game. Who knows, maybe we brought home a little of Russell Martin's DNA on the soles of our shoes.

Justin let me open my present yesterday because he just couldn't wait. My card had a sticker badge for me to wear today that said "The Amazing Incredible Super Mom," and he had picked out a sterling silver necklace with two connected hearts. The big one is me, he said, and the little one is him so that we can remember each other. AAAWWWW! I forgive him for everything he's ever done.

I guess that's what Mother's Day is for...to remind you that it's all worth it.

Desperate for Mini-Golf

2008-05-09T20:48:00.001-07:00

Have you ever been absolutely desperate for mini-golf? Wanted to find some holes so badly that you would pay anything, go anywhere, to find them? Welcome to yet another experience that I never in my life expected to have...mostly because I could go the rest of my life without EVER playing mini-golf...but somehow reached this afternoon.

We took a few days and went to Big Bear for some R&R this week. It was a great time, better weather than we would have gotten at home, lots to do, just an all around good vacation. We did some exploring, a little nature walking, little boating, little shopping, had dinner at their little airport where you can watch the planes take off, etc. etc. There were also two mini-golf courses that we knew of in Big Bear. I called ahead and learned that one was only open on weekends until summer, the other had an address but no phone number. We tried to drive by secretly yesterday and scope it out but we were caught. And it wasn't open. You can only imagine the wails coming from the back seat.

This morning we decided to go down to Lake Arrowhead where there was a Children's Museum, a playground, and a mini-golf course all in the same location. It was advertised as being open daily so we packed up and headed out. Yep, walked past and the golf (with the exciting looking bumper cars and carousel) were closed. We asked where the museum was located and it had permanently closed. Sigh. We had a good time at the playground for awhile.

We didn't stay long in Arrowhead since the playground wasn't anything spectacular, so we headed down the mountain, pleased with ourselves that we had a backup plan..."Pharaoh's Lost Kingdom" in Redlands had mini-golf, and surely a place that big was open...it said it was open. After more than an hour of twisting mountain roads, we pull up to it and the gates were closed. We still don't know why (other than a sign said that their permit to sell alcohol had been suspended). Justin had been fairly patient with the series of disappointments thus far, but at this point he lost it, poor guy. He'd been stuck in the car for hours, everything fun was closed, his vacation (fun as it had actually been) was destined to be remembered only for its failures.

But mommys ALWAYS have a Plan D, right? As I drove toward home, I had my mom call to confirm that the mini-golf place barely three miles from our home was open and available for golf. They could've charged us $20 a head, it could have been pouring rain, and we could've had to dig our own holes, it wouldn't have mattered; we would have done whatever it took to play mini-golf this afternoon. So the day was saved, we played our round of golf, and the vacation memories were left intact. And now we know that Justin (being under 5) and my mom (being 55+) can come together and play mini-golf for free whenever they want. I (being somewhere between 5 and 55) have to pay.

Modern Conveniences

2008-05-04T10:14:00.000-07:00

Last night the power company turned our electricity off for more than 12 hours. They gave us warning and we were well aware that it was coming, I guess I just hadn't fully realized exactly how much that would disrupt my world.

First, I thought that I would be very clever. I charged up the laptop thinking that I could spend the evening doing the usual things, just in the dark. That was all well and good until I remembered that the wireless router required electricity.

I read to Justin as usual while he held the flashlight. We're in the middle of Stuart Little so he would light up the one small picture and I would try to figure out what the words were in the dim outer circle of the flashlight.

I took a bath by candlelight, didn't dry my hair, and used Justin's head mounted flashlight to read for a little while before giving up and going to bed.

I don't know how past generations did it. Everything I tried to do, either I didn't have enough light (candles and flashlights are less effective than I imagined) or required electricity. I used to think I belonged in the past generations with the hard work, clear expectations, and big skirts. Now I know I wouldn't last a day.

Phone Behavior

2008-04-29T14:09:00.001-07:00

I have an aversion to the telephone. Part of it is being introverted, I know, but part of it is having a small child and the "phone behavior" that goes along with it.

This afternoon I was trying to conduct some business with one of these places that has the "...if you'd like to find out your account balance, say or press one." A noisy four year old can seriously disrupt any progress on these types of calls because when they make noise the system comes back with, "that's not a valid choice. If you'd like to..." and you have to start all over again.

So this afternoon I actually got through that part of the process and was on hold (for 30 minutes, but who's counting). As I was twiddling my thumbs I became aware of a muffled thumping noise that I identified as coming from my son. A few more moments of listening and I identified the source of the thumping as him riding his pool kickboard down the stairs from the 2nd story landing. I did some quick velocity vs distance calculations, asked him if he was sitting or standing (he was sitting), and decided that any injury would likely be fairly minor. Some days you pick your battles.

And this is why I email.

Anecdotes of the Week

2008-04-24T18:15:00.000-07:00

Justin is doing pretty well with writing all the capital letters. About a week ago he was writing an A and did what looked like a big blob on the top of it. I made a mental note that we needed to go over what a capital A looked like. Only yesterday when he wrote me a letter, did I figure out what he was actually doing. My little baseball aficionado was doing A for Angels. He honestly thinks that's how it should be!

We also made our traditional Tuesday morning before Play and Praise Starbucks run. When I approached the counter the guy behind it said, "Mocha Frappuccino, right?" Oh dear...only once a week and I've become a regular. And I always feel a wee bit guilty when they say, "Would you like whipped cream on that?" The answer is yes, but just the fact that they have to ask tells me that no is really the more socially acceptable answer. But if you're already paying almost 4 dollars for a drink that has almost 400 calories, shouldn't you go all the way?! If the answer is no, please don't post a comment.

J and I are on our own for five days...oh the fun we have planned! Indoor camping, swimming, shopping, lots and lots of baseball...

The Results

2008-04-22T13:55:00.000-07:00

So as not to ask for prayer and never let you know the outcome, the decisions made yesterday were virtually entirely positive. Although I didn't get all the justice I was after, Justin was protected in ways that I wouldn't even have hoped for and that's all that really matters. I think the truth was heard as much as it could have been in the short time I had.

But I find myself wondering why I'm not throwing a parade and swinging from the chandelier today. I guess it's partly because I've already had indications that although it's "officially" over, it's not really over, and partly because in most battles no one really wins, the other person just loses more. I think biologically I've been in the state of "fight" (as in fight or flight) for so long that when that intense level of stress is gone I'm left in a state of exhaustion and depression until things chemically even out a little. And it has worked out that my major stressors always come the Monday after Justin's weekend away which requires me to put my own needs and feelings aside in order to help him cope with his. That is what today has been about.

So rejoice because the Lord is good and powerful...and I'll get to the point of rejoicing in a day or two. Thanks for the encouragement.

Prayer for Tomorrow

2008-04-20T12:06:00.000-07:00

The enemy is constantly trying to defeat and derail us. Sometimes more intense than other, and this seems to be one of those times. I feel like I've been entrenched in battle for months and it's exhausting. I find myself praying for supernatural release of the anger and anxiety because there is nothing I can humanly do about it. The Lord promises never to give us more than we can bear, but I find that he often has a higher opinion of me than I do. I'm praying that the Lord shows himself mightily tomorrow. I'm praying that truth will win over lies, that justice will be given to the oppressed, and that evil will turn and hide in the face of His power. I'm choosing (sometimes moment by moment) to live with hopeful anticipation of his work in my situation.

And I'm going out after church to buy a new outfit for the occasion just for good measure...I don't think God will mind!

You can dress them up, but...

2008-04-11T17:03:00.000-07:00

Truth

2008-04-08T20:16:00.000-07:00

In my quest to become a woman of God, rather than complaining about my circumstances I am choosing to replace my anxiety and anger with God's truth. And here it is for my life today:

Psalm 25
I lift up my soul to You, O Lord.
O my God, I trust in You. Do not let me be ashamed. Do not let those who fight against me win.
Yes, let no one who hopes in You be put to shame. But put to shame those who hurt others without a reason.
Show me Your ways, O Lord. Teach me Your paths.
Lead me in Your truth and teach me. For You are the God Who saves me. I wait for You all day long.
Remember Your loving-pity and Your loving-kindness, O Lord. For they have been from old. Do not remember my sins from when I was young, or my sinful ways. By Your loving-kindness remember me for You are good, O Lord.
Good and right is the Lord. So He teaches sinners in His ways.
He leads those without pride into what is right, and teaches them His way.
All the paths of the Lord are loving and true for those who keep His agreement and keep His Laws.
For the good of Your name, O Lord, forgive my sin, even as big as it is.
Who is the man who fears the Lord? He will teach him in the way he should choose.
His soul will live a rich life. And his children will be given the land.
The secret of the Lord is for those who fear Him. And He will make them know His agreement. My eyes are always on the Lord. For He will take my feet out of the net.
Turn to me and show me Your loving-kindness. For I am alone and in trouble.
The troubles of my heart have grown. Bring me out of my suffering.
Look upon my troubles and my pain, and forgive all my sins.
Look upon those who hate me, for they are many. And how very much they hate me!
Keep me safe, Lord, and set me free. Do not let me be put to shame for I put my trust in You. Let what is good and what is right keep me safe, because I wait for You.

Perspective

2008-04-06T16:50:00.000-07:00

While cleaning out the garage today I found one of Justin's little baby socks. I have a thing about baby socks. They're so cute and so small. I like to give them as gifts when I find out people are expecting because it's just amazing to imagine the little person who will wear them. I even used a tiny sock as my "focal point" during labor... a white one with navy toes and heel. I love that little pair of socks. You can understand my horror when I found this little sock just loose on the garage floor surrounded by dirt and trash. I brought it in and immediately got out the treasure box where I keep my very favorite outfits and memories from Justin's first year. As I lovingly showed Justin each of the items (and he gave the obligatory awww), I found the actual pair of newborn socks that I so loved. Turned out that the "tiny" sock I had found was actually one of a toddler set he wore learning to walk. Now that he wears a size 11, I guess anything looks tiny.

The newest phase

2008-04-05T20:11:00.000-07:00

My mom always says that each old phase is replaced by one that is both easier and harder. The latest one proves just entertaining.

J's newest thing this week has been to sit at his own table in restaurants. In the past we have gotten our food and I let him choose a table for us to sit at. Lately after I've sat down and spread everything out, he carefully collects his things, announces that he's going to sit at his own table, and moves one table over. He then takes his cup to the fountain beverages and fills it for himself. We learned today that he's 44 inches tall... at 43 1/2 inches tall I think he would be too short to do it since he can barely reach on tip toes. He then proceeds to sit at his own table all by himself. Sometimes he'll still chat with me, sometimes he prefers to be on his own.

This provided a good laugh for two older gentlemen at Costco who watched him eat one of those gigantic pieces of pizza at his own table having gotten his own beverage. They remarked, "He's independent, isn't he? Yep, and I encourage it!

Tickle Tests

2008-04-03T14:01:00.000-07:00

I like taking random (sorry, Jess) tests. One of my favorite classes in college was Psychological Testing where we actually took all the tests and then studied them...although now they're useless to give me because I know all the answers and can sound either crazy or sane depending not on my state of mind but on how I'm trying to skew my answers.

So thru Kelsey's blog the other day I found this site that offers little tests for those of us who spend too much time trying to figure ourselves out. After over-analyzing each answer to see what it might say about you, it will eventually comes up with your "type" for each thing. First I did the "Super-Mom" test and it called me a "Natural Mom"...into tofu and health products. Anyone who knows that I start each day with a Coke knows that's not accurate. We eat our fruits and veggies, but I certainly eat enough junk to disprove that label.

Then I tried another one just to see if it would make good blogging material...what type of emailer are you. I would take email over phone any day and I check at least hourly, so I figured this might be interesting. Turns out that I'm an "Entertainer," life of the party with a full social calendar. Clearly their test needs some more testing. It's as if my answers were in no way connected to their label. No one who has an "Email Personality" is the life of the party with a full social calendar...we're all home on the computer!

If you're bored, or feeling like you just need to be labeled in each area of your life, here's the link.

P.S. Overheard at the preschool snack table on Thursday..."I love Splash Mountain. You go down the hill really fast and the wave goes way up over your BLOG." This generation has a whole new vocabulary!

Stupid?

2008-03-26T21:04:00.000-07:00

In our family we don't allow Justin to use the word "stupid." It's not that it's a bad word, it's just that I want to encourage him to widen his vocabulary and be more specific about things. Is it that he's saying something is not smart? Silly? Annoying? Frustrating? Uncomfortable? There are other words besides stupid.

So the other day he said that I was stupid (I don't even remember why). I gave him a raised eyebrow "Mommy-look" which means that trouble is brewing, and he quickly recovered, "I mean stupendous. Mommy, I think you're stupendous."

Nice try, but that one is only going to work once.

Home Runs, Game Balls, and Candy Bars

2008-03-20T18:52:00.000-07:00

This photo was taken in the dug out following Justin's first game home run. Although it's tee ball, they get to try swinging at 3 pitches before using the tee. On the first pitch he knocked it deep into the outfield and was able to get home before the other team got the ball in. He was also quite proud to have an RBI since another of his teammates was on base (I think he's the only one on the team that actually knows what an RBI is). In addition to his home run, he also made several good plays as shortstop and was awarded the "Game Ball" for his performance. It was a great game.

Another success was our first day at selling fundraiser candy bars. Grandma bought one last night, Justin bought one after breakfast, and then we headed over to church. Before we even reached the office we sold 5 to the two volunteer handymen and Justin's Sunday school teacher. The high school pastor bought 10, so, not to be out done, the executive pastor (having borrowed money from his administrative assistant) also bought 10, and the office ladies were good for another 8. I paid my dollar and had one with almonds for lunch so out of 50 candy bars we sold 36 the first day! Justin did the selling and collecting of money all on his own. His sales pitch was, "Hey, you wanna buy a candy bar? They only cost a dollar. And if you have $5 you can get 5!" Unfortunately I think he thinks he gets to keep the money, but it's still a fun experience for him. I think I'm doing pretty well in my rookie year as a sports mom!

Monday

2008-03-18T21:25:00.000-07:00

Our hearts are full of praise to God for a positive outcome yesterday. Although it was only one battle and there is still pain, yesterday brought some measure of hope and justice. Please continue to pray for wisdom and justice, and pray for Justin's little heart because he's clearly struggling. Thanks.

If you think about our family...

2008-03-11T22:00:00.000-07:00

Monday will be an important day for our family. If you think about us between now and then, we'd appreciate prayer, especially in the following areas:

That truth would be evident.
That God would give His wisdom in the decisions that are made.
That my attitude and actions would be a positive reflection on Him.
That I would feel peace knowing that His hand is upon our lives and everything that happens.

Thanks

Our Weekend Away

2008-03-09T21:33:00.000-07:00

Highlights from out weekend at Lake Arrowhead:

Shoveling snow out of the driveway so that we could park all three cars.

Huge "ice burgs" of snow on the balcony. The boys spent several hours just kicking them and watching the destruction they had permission to cause.

Justin's first slumber party. Started out with four kids, by morning he was the only one still at the party.

Sledding and tobaggoning down the hill. Being brave enough to try again after J ran into a "cactus" (bush) and scraped his face up.

Four Things

2008-03-06T17:41:00.000-08:00

Mireya sent out this little get to know you thing. Here are my answers. What are yours?

Four things about me that you may or may not have known, in no particular order.

Four movies I have watched more than once:

Jerry Maguire

Good Will Hunting

Steel Magnolias

Pretty Woman (clearly it's been awhile since I went to anything not rated G)

Four Places I have lived:

San Diego, CA

Mill Creek, WA

Whittier, CA

Hacienda Heights, CA

Four TV Shows That I Watch:

The Biggest Loser

Intervention

Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew (I'm ashamed of it, yes, but I haven't missed an episode)

Law and Order SVU

Four Places I've been:

London (1995)

Prince Edward Island (1998)

Cruise to Catalina (2007)

Lake Arrowhead (This weekend!)

Four people who email me regularly:

Work

Secret shopping and survey opportunities

Maria Wood, the Tball lady

Hmmm...anyone feeling guilty to have not made the list??? ;)

Four Of my favorite foods:

Tootsie Rolls

Cookie dough ice cream

Spaghetti

Cheetos

Four Places I would rather be right now:

Bed

Vacation pretty much anywhere

Scrapbooking

Shopping

Four People that I think will respond:

If I say no one, I'll have realistic expectations and I can be pleasantly surprised!

Four Things I am looking forward to this year:

Seeing Justin's first Tball photo

Godshall's visit in June/July

Family vacation (still looking at options)

Sleeping in until I naturally wake up

Your Turn!

Opening Day!

2008-03-01T19:49:00.001-08:00

Here are a few photos from our big day...Justin's first official tball experience. He's on the Cubbies with 10 other boys and girls ages 4-6. He's very excited to have gotten Russell Martin's number since he lives and breathes Dodgers (he likes streets where the speed limit is 55, is excited when he wakes up at 6:55, etc). Here they're doing their team cheer of "Go Cubbies!"
They don't keep score at all. Each inning they go through the batting order once. Justin plays short stop. He hit well today and slid into base three times (completely unnecessary for the game each time but he looked cool doing it). He's especially pleased to have new cleats and to have progressed from plastic bats (because we still play baseball in the house) to a metal one.

Here's my pride and joy. It's a good thing that there is a full year before I have to think about this, because at eleven o'clock last night when I was putting the finishing touches on the banner (not my choice to start the banner Wednesday for a huge Saturday morning event) I was vowing never to be a Team Mom again. But our banner won its division earning us a free pizza party. See, being a scrapbooker is sometimes a useful skill. Everyone cheered for the tballers as they paraded around the field which made J feel like he had arrived in the Major Leagues. Here he is waving to his "fans."

We earned more than $300 at our booth (another Team Mom responsibility) and it was a successful day and fun day in the end. Did I mention that he won a goldfish at a carnival booth?But I need a couple of innings off!

Why?

2008-02-25T11:25:00.001-08:00

Why on this blog program is there one view when you are actually composing, another slightly different one when you preview, and then when you post it completely changes the spacing so that it looks weird, but if you try to edit again it looks as if it should be just the way you want it? Don't they know that some of us are detail oriented and will spend hours trying to get things just right with equal spacing between paragraphs and photos?! Computers are great, but sometimes I wish they wouldn't try to "think" for me!

February in Review

2008-02-24T16:09:00.000-08:00

Trip to Barton Flats to play in the snow.

Justin was too cold and wet to get out of the car to build a snowman, so his friend "Icey" was in the picture with the snowman I made.

We gave both Justin and John Young a "Championship Tour" of Dodger Stadium for Christmas. Did you know that if you sit in the $500 seats (that includes all the food you want and a personal waiter), you're actually closer to home plate than the pitchers mound is? Justin has promised that when he's a Dodger, he'll buy me tickets in the good seats.

Justin with retired jersey #4. There's an open frame to inspire the players to be the next great Dodger to have their jersey retired. Justin's already planning to be the one to fill that frame. TBall's Opening Day is on Saturday so we'll see how he does!

We joined the epidemic

2008-02-18T15:09:00.000-08:00

Forget the fact that Justin and I were among those first in line for this year's flu shot, we both fell prey this past week to some kind of virus. No fever, just sore throats and congestion. Usually I do pretty well. When I'm elbow deep in his vomit I often say to myself, "there is no chance that I'm not going to get this one," but somehow I seem to skip most of these things. Not this time.

I started feeling sick on Monday night. I skipped Play and Praise Tuesday but had to go into work for a meeting. Wednesday I emailed in sick, but got called mid-afternoon saying that 2 of the 4 people covering AWANA childcare weren't coming. So much for my day off. Thursday I muscled thru everything I had put off Tuesday and Wednesday and by the end of the day I was dead. Too bad for me because this was my "non-custodial" weekend and I had packed it full of things that are best done unencumbered (I do this both for practicality and because the only way to survive emotionally is to be so busy that I don't have time to think). By the end of Friday I was still talking but you could only hear the first syllable of each word before my voice cracked and you lost the remainder of what I was saying. Saturday the yard sale started before 7a, selling Justin's old things without him having to watch, and then I planned to get some rest. Not likely...two of the Sunday morning teachers called sounding exactly like I did, so I started making phone calls to find subs. Sunday I worked 8 1/2 hours before picking Justin up and spending the evening helping him readjust. He went to bed at 7:30 and I'm not sure which of us was asleep first. I know I saw the opening of Extreme Makeover Home Edition but I didn't even make it to demolition.

But today was a holiday. I had to buy milk, I checked my email and made one phone call, even folded some laundry, but I finally took a full day off. I've lost sight of the concept of Sabbath Days since Sundays are the biggest workday of my week, and even when I plan to take Saturday off there are often unexpected crises that must be dealt with before morning. I'm thinking that maybe God knew what he was doing when he gave us the ten commandments, and quite possibly he intends us to try to follow more than nine. Not sure exactly how that will look in my life, but it definitely merits some more thinking.

Tee Ball: My Son the Ball Hog

2008-02-09T21:18:00.000-08:00

Justin started tee ball practice this week. Overall, he's an average kid (see previous post), but because he lives and breathes baseball, he's above average in his baseball skills just because he spends so much time practicing. It's fun to see him going thru all the practice rituals with his team. They did stretching exercises, practiced catching grounders, ran the bases a couple of times (some of the kids are still having trouble knowing which direction to run after they hit), and then took turns hitting.

Justin was very intense about every drill. When catching grounders, he would do diving catches. If they said for everyone to line up on home plate, he was the first one there. When it was time to take turns practicing batting and fielding, they put Justin at third base. No matter where the ball was hit, even if it was over by first base, Justin was running after it yelling, "I got it, I got it," and he usually beat the rest of the kids to get it just because he was paying attention and knew what to do. I did step in when he practically tackled the coaches' daughter trying to get the ball before she could (when it was clearly her territory) and talked to him about needing to stay by his base so that he could tag the runner out if someone threw it to him (although I don't think they do that in tee ball...they don't even keep score) and after that he stayed right at his position.

So far the coaches think he's cute and precocious. I hope it stays that way. The first thing he did when arriving to practice was to tell the assistant coach that he hadn't put home plate in the correct place and moved it for him. He talks way more than the other kids, and because we've read so much about baseball the things he says are correct, they're just way over the basic level that most of the 4-6 year old crowd is at. He's convinced already that if he "doesn't go to the Major Leagues and win the World Series" he'll "be in a slump."

I'm trying to learn the ropes of being "Team Mom" and realizing that there's a lot more to it than I agreed to. I'm also learning that when you join a team, you give your life over to it for the next several months and are expected to go places and do things on short notice and basically keep your schedule clear until the end of the season. I also failed to realize that on top of the registration fee (which wasn't cheap), there are also at least $100 in other costs that they don't tell you about up front. But who can put a price on the genuine joy he's having doing something be absolutely loves.

Anyone want to buy an overpriced candy bar?

Reality Check

2008-02-05T14:53:00.001-08:00

Looking at things rationally, it's been a great day. We got out of the house early this morning and went for our traditional Tuesday morning Starbucks and bagel run. Play and Praise was a great time of connecting with people and record attendance of 55 parents and kids. After lunch we walked to the clubhouse to vote (for those of you in CA #15 followed by 3 nos, and 5 yeses), and now it's quiet time. But notice the first sentence says "rationally." So here is my list of "You know you are having PMS when..."

The average annoyance becomes a personal attack and evidence that it is you against the world.
Said annoyance then is an indication that life as you know it is over and the rest of your life will be spent nursing hurt feelings because things will never be better.
These annoyances happen with everyone you come into contact with, in every venue of your life.
You feel that you need to confront three or more people with an honest talk about how their behavior is affecting you.
You watch the commercial for Yaz and say, "You know, I really should talk to my doctor about that."

If you need something from me, I recommend asking me next week.

And then sometimes they surprise you!

2008-02-02T20:16:00.000-08:00

At the Women of Faith Conference in September, I adopted a little boy in Justin's name from Tanzania who was born the same month and year as Justin. We sent a little envelope of things in December for Antidius's birthday/Christmas and received a letter back last week. Tonight we had 10 minutes before the brownies were due to come out of the oven so I sat down with Justin and asked him to dictate a letter back to Antidius.

Much to my amazement, Justin got a pen and (with help on the spelling) wrote out the entire letter himself. To my knowledge, he's written two words in the past: Justin and Mom. Although he can recognize all his letters, I never knew that he could write them. Sometimes in my effort not to push him to grow up too soon, I miss testing his limits to see what he's really capable of. Since we've got more than 18 months before kindergarten, I'd better start thinking up some challenges for his developing little mind!

Here's the letter (with my translations since the letters run left to right until he runs out of paper and then go right to left). If you hunt and find individual letters it is decipherable.

Average

2008-01-31T13:34:00.000-08:00

I've been approached by two parents in the last several months who have explained to me that their children were too advanced for the Sunday school class that they were in and should be promoted into the next older class. Both, coincidentally happened to currently be in Justin's class. Rather than throw down then and there about which of our children were REALLY more developmentally advanced, I just heard them out and then explained our policy to keep children with their same aged peers. In both these cases, the issue was with the mother, not with a supremely advanced child.

But I came home from church after the last of these conversations and announced that I was pleased at how exceedingly average Justin was. He excels at certain things, needs to work on others, but I'm just pleased at how appropriate for his age he is. Forty-nine percent of children are actually below average, so average is doing just fine. At home we all get to see how brilliant our children are because they do so much more when they're in a familiar environment with familiar people. Put them in a preschool classroom and 95% of those brilliant children look at you with a blank stare, refuse to answer questions that they know the answers to, and generally do not perform to their capabilities. I'd honestly rather have a kid who was well rounded and good friend than one who could name all 50 states at age 3 (although it would be a fun party trick).

I was a little convicted on Monday when I received my first "grade" for the online courses I'm taking...a disappointing 90%. Had there been a phone number handy I would've called immediately and demanded to know what THEY thought the answers to the test were because their answer key was apparently incorrect.

Someone needs to expand her newfound knowledge about the adequacy of "average" to include herself too!

May I take your order?

2008-01-26T14:13:00.000-08:00

Justin has always had a fascination with the head gear worn by drive-thru employees, even simulating it with a piece of tape stuck from ear to chin. So when he was at Toys R Us with a Christmas gift card and found a McDonalds play set complete with the head set, visor, cash register, and play food, I let him get it. He has played with it for 48 hours straight. If I have to hear, "Welcome to McDonalds, may I take your order?" even one more time, I think I'm going to scream. There's a limit to the number of times in one day that you can order a plastic cheeseburger (with or without pickles), fries, drink, and sundae. I honestly think that just ordering the food that many times has cause me to gain a couple of pounds. And he's not fooled by saying that you just finished your food and you don't need anymore right now...nope, he says, "I'm pretending it's a different day." You'd think these would be the times when personified stuffed animals would come in handy. "Nope," he says, "they're not hungry." How come it doesn't get to be a different day for them?

I did draw the line for my own sanity, but lest you think me no fun, we did go thru the drive thru for lunch, they did say (word for word) "Welcome to McDonalds, may I take your order?" and we did carefully rinse and preserve the containers from our food to expand the menu selection available at the living room McDonalds. But I'd like him to set his career aspirations just a tiny bit higher.

I'm getting old

2008-01-25T20:35:00.000-08:00

I don't know about 30 being the new 20. I guess I don't know what the old one felt like. But in the last year I've certainly seen the signs of aging creeping in. The wrinkles around the eyes that showed up in some of our professional photos were just bad lighting, right? And hurting my back trying to put a box of Christmas decorations up on the shelf in the garage (while balanced on a bucket of kitty litter) could have happened to anyone. But today I picked up my new reading glasses and now I can see what I've been missing.

I could read both street signs and fine print so it's not like I couldn't have lived without glasses, but now that I have them, it's amazing how crisp and clean the lettering on the computer screen looks. Like everything is in bold. Like living in Southern California and coming over the hill after the rain has cleaned the smog away (briefly) and seeing the colors of the world that normally are only dully visible. I keep looking at things with and then without the glasses just to see the difference. They eye doctor had said that people often ask if their vision gets weaker as a result of wearing glasses. She said that it doesn't, you just get used to actually having things in focus and you have higher expectations than you used to. I can see that happening.

Oh yeah, and I cut 3+ inches off my hair today too, just to complete the new look. I'm pretty sure that this isn't a pre-midlife crisis, but if I buy a red sports car, plan the intervention.

2 Corinthians 12

2008-01-11T14:23:00.000-08:00

I'm taking a set of DVD courses on Biblical counseling. The first six sessions have been okay, but I've mostly been going through it listening for the answers to the test questions. I was a psychology major in college so I find these things relatively interesting, but the introductory six hours have been a little dull. Today I got my money's worth.

Today's session (Dr. Gary Oliver) was on Growth-focused brief therapy. The points that he was making were interesting...choosing achievable goals, focusing on the positive...good reminders, but nothing new. Then he started talking about failure...when things aren't getting better. I've been on the other side of the couch enough to understand what it feels like when problems aren't getting better. It was just last week that I posted in reaction to my own trials, which have no end in sight. He had my attention.

Then he read the passage about Paul's "thorn in the flesh" and his vision from God (2 Corinthians 12): Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, "My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness."

Conviction. Repentance. I have experienced that verse first-hand, but how quickly we forget when things get tough. I walk on today with renewed determination to persevere. It will all be worth it to someday hear, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."

Indoor Campout

2008-01-09T20:49:00.000-08:00

We had our campout in the living room this evening, complete with roasting marshmallows in the fireplace for S'mores, sleeping in the tent, and more than a few cute quotes. My personal favorite was when he came to lay on top of me in the dark, put his lips right against my ear and whispered in a tiny voice, "If you don't like crabs, stay away from the beach." I was trying to set an example for him and pretend to be asleep, but when that one came I couldn't help but bust out laughing! Where does he come up with these things?! He's also declared that he doesn't think we should ever eat dinner again unless we're going to have S'mores. Sadly, this won't be an every night occurrance, but I don't think it will be our last campout either. We're making memories.

Success

2008-01-07T14:39:00.000-08:00

Today has been a day of renewed hope. Share my joy with me!

I cleaned my office so that now I can see both the desk and the carpet.
I also had a good conversation with my "new boss" which makes me somewhat less dismal about the departure of the former, much-loved one.
I have a To Do list that I think with some planning and initiative I can actually accomplish.
I have new brakes and new windshield wipers on my car. I feel like my car, even with 107K miles on it, is safe and running well. I'm also thankful that I had the savings to pay for the repairs without additional stress.
The mountains are gorgous after all that rain and snow. I don't know when I ever remember them looking that spectacular, and I get to enjoy it every time I leave or return home.
I think I have a volunteer to substitute teach in Justin's Sunday school class between now and Easter. He can't deal with me teaching his class at this point in his development, and I wasn't looking forward to either fighting with him or having to send him home early with Grandma for the next nine weeks.
I loaded and ran the new dishwasher. I really like the design of it and that everything fits neatly in its place (I'm easily pleased).
As a reward for good behavior (Justin's, not mine), we have a living room camp out planned for tonight in the tent that I got for Christmas.

I admit that the practical side of me is trying to contain my joy knowing that sooner or later the other shoe will drop, but why not rejoice that my heart is light, even for a few hours?!

Justin's Not-Invisible Friend

2008-01-04T15:36:00.000-08:00

On December 19th a new member of the family arrived...his name is "Baseball Player Number One Russell Martin." He's a two-toned brown puppy from Build-a-Bear decked out in full Dodger gear (hat, jersey, pants with belt, stirrup socks, cleats, bat, ball, and glove...don't get me started on how brilliant a business plan BABW is...$40+ for what started out as a $12 stuffed animal). Anyhow, Baseball Player is now a part of the family. I faithfully belt him into the booster seat when we get in the car, he sits with us at dinner, and I kiss him good night at bedtime, but the best part is when he "talks." This is a typical conversation:

J: Mom, Baseball Player is crying.
M: Oh?
J: Ask him why he's crying, Mommy?
M: Okay, Baseball Player, why are you crying?
(No response)
M: What did he say?
J: He says it's because he didn't want to be left in the car while we went to the library. He's lonely without me.
M: Oh. I'm sorry that made him sad.
J: Mommy, Baseball Player is crying again. Ask him why?

This can go on and on! Baseball Player apparently spends much of his day crying over small insults. I thought by having a boy I didn't have to deal with these things! I've already agreed to go buy some pretend food at the toy store tomorrow because "Baseball Player is very hungry...he just can't wait." Sigh! I guess I did it to myself!

Today

2008-01-03T19:23:00.000-08:00

Lord,
As I am encountering trials, please give me the grace to behave in a manner that is honoring to you. May the people I encounter see you thru me. Help me to act and speak with love, even when no love is felt. Remind me to bite my tongue when tempted to say something unkind. Grant me a sense of your hope when the world holds none. Help me to be patient and wait for your timing, knowing that you love me and that this day, with whatever happens, is your perfect will for my life. I trust in your sovereignty, but am battered right now by circumstances. I pray that you would help me grow in my perspective, that I would see things more thru your eyes and less from my own self-centered perception. Help me to be one who lifts people up, not one who drags others down. Give me the strength to remain faithful to you, and the energy to do your will each day. Thank you that you are faithful even when I am not. I love you and thank you that I was chosen to be yours.
Amen.

Lessons on love

2007-12-25T21:40:00.000-08:00

Working in ministry has required adjustments in my thinking about the separation between the "personal" and the "professional." For example, when setting goals for 2007, I was required to make three kinds: work, faith, and personal. The first two I had no problem with...things that I needed to DO, and things that I wanted to see God do but couldn't do myself (understandable since I do work for a church). The third category made me very uncomfortable. What business was it of my "job" to know my personal goals? Isn't that the point, they're PERSONAL?! So I tried to think of the least personal thing I could write and still be fulfilling the requirement. What I decided on was trying to gain a better understanding of God's love...generically phrased and something no one could argue with, but it's turned out to have been pretty profound. This is what I've come up with:

When I'm feeling unloved, the quickest way out of that pit is to find someone in need of love and do something to show love to them. I have yet to find a time that behaving lovingly didn't work to stop those "nobody loves me" blues, but when depressed it can be tough to look outside myself and work up the energy to reach out. God often uses other people to show his love, and I need to make sure that I'm a part of that to the people around me.

I try to identify the love languages of the people around me, then make a greater effort to love them in that way. I also try to recognize times when they're expressing love toward me in their own language and appreciate it, even though it's not my own primary love language. I'm working through this with Justin (recently 4yrs) whose primary language seems to be physical touch. Bumping into me as he walks by is not a loving gesture in my mind, but for him it's connecting with me and loving me. There are certainly limitations to what I will allow, but recognizing that he's loving me with that bump makes me less annoyed and less likely to reject his offering just because it's not the way I would have chosen to be loved. I receive love most easily through quality time, which is really tough since people (and me) are so busy. Rather than feeling like no one loves me because I haven't spent time with them, I need to appreciate the hugs, notes, little gifts, and acts of service that people are frequently loving me with.

I need to do the same with God. Just because I don't FEEL loved by him, doesn't change the fact that he loves me. Sadly, the "quality time" that would make me feel loved is completely up to me, and therefore it's often my own fault if I'm feeling unloved. I also need to stop chasing the "feeling" and settle into the knowledge that I am loved whether I feel it or not.

I heard Sheila Walsh speak at this year's Women of Faith conference and I bought her book "God has a Dream for Your Life." In it she talks about when God was freeing the Hebrews from Egypt and he sent the Angel of Death to kill the firstborn sons in each household. The only way to be spared was to paint the doorpost with blood. Then she reminds the reader that the Angel never knocked on the door to find out what sins the people inside had committed that day or what type of people they were... the blood was enough. When God looks at me, he doesn't see the mistakes I've made or the ways I've failed, he only sees Jesus' blood and I'm accepted and loved based on that. For me, shame is one of the biggest obstacles toward intimacy with God, but when he looks at me he doesn't see any of it. I've known that story since I was tiny, but only now do I recognize it as a picture of my own salvation. It's awesome!

The year since I set this as my goal has been a really tough one, excruciating at points, but rather then wallow or lash out I've come to terms with the fact that no matter what I've been through or what I've done God has never stopped loving me... I just didn't always recognize it.

I think that's enough learned for one year!

Got Lint?

2007-12-21T12:47:00.000-08:00

We started opening Christmas presents today. I got a really nice set of rinse and reuse lint rollers. The kids thought it would be fun to use them like paint rollers and roll the walls. You can see the result (with my niece, Kaitlin)...

If you're looking for a really high quality lint roller, check out Lillian Vernon.

Now, I hope Santa brings me a real paint roller for Christmas!

Stretch Jeans

2007-12-18T11:30:00.000-08:00

I have one major complaint with jeans manufacturers these days...why, when there are 17,000 brands and styles of jean, are they all "stretch?" All that means to me is that when I put my jeans on in the morning and they fit, by the end of the day I'll be hitching them up every 2 minutes with my bottom looking saggy...and forget wearing them a second day without washing! I need toddler jeans with the adjustable waistband. But honestly, can you just buy a pair of jeans that will stay the same size the whole day? Do we really grow that much in 12 hours?

Apparently life is good enough right now that I have time to be bugged by such things.

Don't miss tomorrow's rant on why there is a whole aisle of toothpaste and none that isn't "whitening." (It's true, but I won't bother to write about it).

The light bulb story

2007-12-17T21:07:00.000-08:00

So Justin's in his afternoon quiet time on Saturday, I'm at church working, and my mom is home with him. I called to let her know that I was in the middle of a project and would be about an hour later coming home than I had predicted. Apparently she had answered the phone in her room upstairs, and when she came out she could hear that Justin was no longer in his room. She called to him to see what he was doing, and the reply came back, "I'm changing the light bulbs." Sure enough, my not-quite-four-year-old had already removed and replaced the light bulbs in the two living room lamps. "I'm changing the light bulbs." Completely matter of fact. As if it's one of those things that kids often do between playing with cars and building a tower out of blocks. As if he is responsible for that part of the household maintenance. I honestly have no clue where the bulbs came from or how he knew how to do it, but I'm going to rethink letting him watch the episode where Curious George tries to fix the plumbing!

Reasons why I refuse to Blog

2007-12-16T13:58:00.000-08:00

I’m an introvert. Whereas email is communicating one-on-one, blogging is akin to public speaking. Introverts would rather have a root canal than speak in public.
I generally regret personal disclosure almost immediately. With a blog you wouldn’t even know who to be uncomfortable around because you’d have no idea who had read it.
My worlds (work, friendships, personal) are so interconnected that it’s already difficult to know where the boundaries are anyway…it’s weird to think that my boss would have access to the daily banter I have with my girlfriends. (Although last week I blew it and hit “Reply All” with a snotty comment that then went to all the pastors as well as the one person I had intended…oops!)

So why have I given in?

Because people keep asking me whether I do.
The one sentence responses that you get let you know the people you love are still connected to you.
My son is handsome, brilliant, and deserves to be bragged about. And if I don’t write things down I forget them. (Remind me to tell you the one about J changing all the light bulbs during quiet time).