Bronte

This is Bronte. I first met her within days of her birth when her eyes weren't even open. She and her brother "Ninja" came to live with me in my first apartment almost 12 years ago. I named her Bronte Elizabeth because I thought it would be a nice name for a daughter but was quickly convinced that it would be cruel for a child so I stuck my poor cat with it instead.

Bronte is currently up for adoption at the Baldwin Park animal shelter. The photo is her mugshot from the adoption website. She's a beautiful cat, but looks can be deceiving. She loves me, but is very fearful and hisses at anyone and everything but me. Justin won't even come into my room when she's there. She also potties on the floor when left alone for long periods of time. She likes to potty in laundry and anything box-like, especially suitcases, which is also inconvenient. Her beautiful fur often causes fur balls and she vomits too. I tried for years to work with her and now that she has to stay in my very small bedroom all the time I just can't do it anymore. So on Friday I surrendered her to the animal shelter.

I'm sure that it would be a relief to most people to be rid of such a high maintenance pet, but I'm grieving the loss. Not only do I not have her anymore, I have the guilt that it was my own choice. I feel like a failure that I just couldn't manage her anymore with all the other things that I'm juggling. And it makes it harder to know that she's out there, and I could bring her home again if I chose. There's no closure as long as she's still there on the website. My hope is that she'll be adopted by some nice little old lady who wants an older cat and can devote the attention to her that I haven't been able to. I pray that God will use her to meet the needs in someone else's life and that he'll relieve me of my guilt over the whole thing. I'll never know what happens when she disappears from the website and it's probably better that way.

I love her in spite of her behavioral issues and I hurt in spite of the fact that it was my choice. But after I finish a good cry I'm going to delete the bookmark I have to her adoption advertisement and let her go for good. And if anyone knows of some little old lady (with hardwood floors) that would like a sweet, although high maintenance cat, please send them to go get her.